One of the main factors that contribute to the success of fixing your marriage is what the problems happened in the first place that affected to all fall a part. There are some issues that it is much more difficult to pass and forgive than others.
For example, if the problems in your marriage were abuse, addiction or infidelity from your spouse, these can be extremely tough to move past and in the case of the first two problems, you shouldn’t even consider getting back with your ex until they’ve taken care of these issues. When I say taken care of the issues I don’t mean just a lot of talk about what they are going to do or the promise they give you that they will get help, talk is cheap. I mean that they have started counseling and have been going regularly, on their own accord for some time and can show tangible results. Then, and only then, should you even begin to consider reconciliation.
If your breakup was like many others, where the two of you just don’t seem to be able to even exchange a few words in a constructive way, then the chances of getting your ex back are much better.
These little squabbles and misunderstandings can be overcome fairly easily if you both really want to make things better. In order for you both to retrain yourselves in the way you communicate to each other you will probably want to enlist some help, either with a therapist or by using some self-help books.
While re-learning how to communicate isn’t necessarily hard, it will take time and if both parties aren’t 100% committed to doing it, it can’t be done. It happens frequently that one person seems to want to save the marriage (or is more willing to actually put in the effort) than the other person. That type of situation is doomed to failure. One person cannot save the marriage.
Sure, they may be able to bend so far over backwards to accommodate the person who isn’t trying that the fights stop, but they will eventually resent the other person for not carrying their fair share of the burden and things will fall apart.
Before you and your ex embark on this journey to fix your broken marriage, make sure that both of you do a gut check. If one or both of you is unwilling to own up to their shortcomings (and more importantly make changes) than, again, the marriage will just spiral out of control the way it did the first time around. Be honest with yourself. Making changes and facing up to your own flaws is very difficult and many people just don’t have enough character to handle it. They will always find it very easy to recognize the faults of their spouse but won’t be nearly as clear-eyed when it comes to seeing their own flaws and mistakes.
Please understand too that this process will take time, but then time is one thing you have when you’ve committed to a marriage. If the two of you want to be successful in restoring a broken marriage and you want to get your ex back, don’t expect changes to happen overnight. The two of you (or anyone really) should be working on themselves and their marriage their whole life, it’s not a quick fix situation, it’s a lifetime commitment and some people need a lifetime to get it right. You will only fail if you give up and walk away. Stick it out, for your sake, for their sake and the sake of your children and it will turn out to be a win, win situation.
